Of my two boys
September 9, 2009I’ve got two great boys. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that. I’ve got a newly crawling, pulling up on everything baby and an almost 3-1/2 year old. I feel so exhausted and guilty most of the time. Exhausted because I’m not getting enough sleep: the baby wakes up 3+ times a night and the 3 year old has been waking up 2 times a night too. And everyone wants to play all day (i.e. have me keep them occupied). Guilty because I just can’t spend enough time with each of them. I need some time for me, I need time for each of them individually and it feels like there’s always someone feeling left out with not enough time from me.
My heart breaks every night while DH takes the baby to rock him to sleep as he screams for me to hold him. The 3 year old gets cranky and nasty that I’m not playing with him enough. Right now it feels like no one wins. I get irritated that I could be comforting the one that wants to be with me and let someone else deal with the one that’s cranky…but I don’t. I know the cranky one needs me just as much and needs to know that I still care. As much as it pains me, I hope the little one is ok without me during that time, because I know it’s still important.
But we’re all growing up. Soon I’ll have a 1 year old and an almost 4 year old. We’re trying out co-op preschool this year. we’re going to have snow on the ground soon. I’ll have two children walking soon. I’ll have two children not napping soon (as opposed to the one not napping right now). I’ll have bigger decisions to make in the future.
I’m enjoying my kids, but life is still tough. Maybe it’ll always be tough. Maybe there’ll be a day where we all get taken care of enough too. Maybe there’ll be a night where I get to sleep all the way through.
Today we went shopping, watched Dinosaur Train, got dinner in the crockpot, had a picnic, painted, got frozen yogurt, tried to find a Halloween costume, read books, and just played (plus all of the routine stuff). Most days include painting or stickers or playdough or bike riding or chalk or who knows what else. I’m looking forward to the day when the little guy can understand “no you can’t eat it” instead of me having to pull him away from whatever his older brother is working on.
Today the baby tried frozen yogurt too and the face was “why would you eat this stuff?!?!”. The motion was “give me more now”. Of course, he also tried Chocolate Almond drink today and was just chugging it!
My heart goes out to you–I know how hard this is, though it was so long ago that I went through it. Stop beating yourself up. All children are at the beginning of a difficult journey, that being to learn the art of unselfishness. Not their fault; talk to Adam about that; but they still need to learn it, just as all the rest of us do.
So long as you do give your children the affection and love they need (and I feel sure you do), it is actually good for them to sometimes have to wait to receive some of their needs. Children who are held back from learning the unwelcome truth that they are not the center of the universe suffer greatly for it later.
You’re doing fine.
Blessings, Cindy
Hi Cindy, I’m so glad you’re still around. It’s been so long since I’ve been posting.
I think things have been rough lately because my youngest just started getting around. Needs more supervision/interaction now and is more aware of what’s going on now (wants to be involved in everything now). The 3 year old is having a hard time with it and it’s a good adjustment for him to make, but it’ll take a while I think. It’s just tough for me when we’re generally having a good day and things just blindside me (having fun all day and then the younger one is trying to bite me so I’m dealing with it and the older one decide he’ll bite me too!). Things that are just ARGH, I shouldn’t have to deal with this! moments.
Thanks so much for the encouragement. I really appreciate it. I’m looking forward to when the adjustments are made a bit better and we can have fun times without the tantrums or unruliness. :]